I have always tried to be a people pleaser. Never saying no. Putting myself out to help others. Worrying about they thought. And snuffling out my needs and wants just to make them happy. In the process of this I lost any self esteem I might have had. At 41 it isn’t easy to try and find something that I had snuffled out. Self help books I have read them. Doctor Phil. I have watched him. I have tried all the wrong ways of making myself happy. I went all the wrong routes. Doing things that made me happy while I was doing them, but then an hour later still no esteem.
While I am no expert on this. I thought I would share what I have known and read on the subject. It is never to late to start building this.
Don’t let people put out your light! Be who you are. Laugh, Cry … Dress how you want. Wear your hair how you like it. Don’t do what other people want you to do. Do things because you want to do them. There will always be people out there trying to stifle who you are and you’re the only one that can stop them. Most of the time they don’t even realize it.
It isn’t easy.
I will share with you things I have read, things I have learned. Self esteem can’t be gained over night. But it can be built.
Where does it come from? Simple.
- Knowing ourselves
- Choosing to hear the positives
Those things can give us a life filled with self-confidence, a sense of humor & the wish to be our best.
How do you understand self esteem? I think it comes from one simple word. KNOWING. Knowing you are lovable helps you to love more, knowing you are important helps you make a difference in someone elses life. Knowing you are capable gives you the power to create more. Just knowing you are valuable gives you a joy. Once you have that you will be on a natural high!
Boosting your self esteem
- be sincere, upfront & true to who you are. You are valuable and your opinion does matter. Don’t hide your true feelings. When you do this people will never know who you are & neither will you really.
- Find time for yourself. It doesn’t matter if you have to go in the bathroom and hide for 20 minutes. Take that you time to get in the right mind set.
- Surround yourself with positive people. It’s great if you can find people near you to hang out with that is positive, but if you can’t there is tons of positive people on the internet. There is so many women’s forums out there with these type of people. Put yourself out there and meet them. Don’t just lurk.
- Focus on things you CAN do. Not things you CAN’T do. We can all come up with a list a mile long on things we can’t do. But if we can come up with 3 positive things we can do each day then we should focus on those things.
- Go online and learn more about your esteem. Look up things that is bad for it and good for it.
- Just because the people in your life is different then you doesn’t mean you should ignore them or cut them out of your life. Love them because of their differences. Don’t transform yourself to be a people pleaser but instead be happy that your you. Just because someone isn’t like you doesn’t make either one of you good/bad. It just makes you unique. You can learn from each other and that’s great.
- on another note, if someone is FORCING you to be someone your not. Don’t take it. You have a right to be happy. Not uncomfortable.
- Get rid of old baggage. Yesterday is gone. Don’t let people point out what happened yesterday, live for now.
- Help others. If you are good at something and like to do it then share that. If you love to cook and your good at it bake a cake and give it to someone. If you like to write share that. Drawing your thing? Draw someone a picture.
- Start focusing on something you believe in, raise money for a charity.. help others in need.. This is different then changing who you are to do things for others. Helping others sometimes helps to take the focus off of our own problems. Only when we are doing something that makes us feel good. Make sense?
- Surround yourself with people that loves you for who you are, not what you look like or how much money you have or wear you work.
While you are building your own self esteem, make sure you aren’t hurting others in the process. Think about the words you use and don’t hurt someone to boost yourself. teach your children self love. Don’t use negative words.
I deal with this daily and sometimes I find myself just wanting to go back to old ways. You can be authentic and love yourself in the process. Hang in there and take it one step at a time.
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