Processing

Every time something bad happens, I feel it is the worst possible pain. Maybe on some things I can be dramatic or even over dramatic.

This post is one I have debated on writing.  But I must.

This coming Thursday will make one month since I lost my best friend, my soulmate, my husband.

john

I have been taking some time to process things.  I am one that tends to hold in my emotions – especially in front of people.  When I am alone I can process things more clearly.  But how do you process something like this?

One minute we are discussing going to Ihop for brunch, a couple hours later you are calling 911.  At the hospital they are admitting him for pneumonia and 5 minutes later they are yelling does he have a living will.  How do you make that decision?

We had discussed so many things.  What we wanted when the other passed.  All the stuff you talk about and then you go on living your life praying, hoping and thinking that you have time.  Thinking that the discussion you just had won’t come into play for several more years.

Then in the blink of an eye – you are alone.  You want to go out – but when you get out you need to be home.  You come home to his empty chair.  To an empty house.  You don’t want to cook the food that you shopped for together.  And you can’t watch the programs that you once watched together.

Right now I am beside myself.  I go on to take care of the home we built together.  To take care of our dogs and cats.  But it just isn’t the same.

I am learning to live again one day at a time.  That will include my reviewing and posting here on Shopping Wives.

Please bare with me while I take time to try and process this.

me and john

-Tabby

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